A little deja vu
In early March, when panic and restrictions made its way into the U.S., it all felt familiar. The isolation, helplessness, and loss of independence to make my own choices felt familiar. My restricted freedom to dine out and see who I wanted felt familiar. The anxiety grocery shopping gave me, felt familiar too.
It felt like Residential Treatment for anorexia.
At the beginning of the pandemic I was angry. Angry I had to feel these lonely, helpless, scared feelings again, after fighting so hard to be recovered. Yet I am not sick! I was bitter towards the ill who ruined it all for me. That some how the pandemic and shut downs took away my accomplishment of recovery.
It felt like Residential Treatment
Where grocery shopping caused anxiety for residents and some people hoarded food, and I watched in hora. In treatment I could not see my family, or go out to restaurants, museums, or concerts. I was quarantined, for an illness that is reported to affect 30 million people in the USA alone and kill about 10% off them. And the ones that wanted to get better were isolated in treatment, but our loved ones were not. Unlike COVID-19 no state or federal official ever tried to make things better for us.
This Quarantine, it feels like
Putting my life on hold to recover. It feels like missing out on job opportunities, dances, and connections with people. It reminds me that things do get better. That getting rid of anorexia was long, and it was hard. There were times it felt worthless, like no progress was being made. But today, almost a year later, I look back and see… it was worth it. And I am thriving.
We will get through this. We will be stronger. And God is on our side.